I have read way too many Douglas Adams in the last two days, and decided to write my own little parody type story based on how the earth came about. I understand it might, be a little out there, and it is obviously not a typical story written by me. So I’m not as confident with this one lol.
Ted the new intern at Scientific Operators Incorporated, had to find the professor. Searching through the dark hallways and all the dark rooms, he finally came to one room that screamed “Professor.” The room was well lit, with all white on the inside. Each wall looked as though it were made of some type of rubber padding, a rubber padding so typically used in a (mental hospital). What lay inside the room was far more interesting, a man standing against a desk holding a beaker into the air stairing at it boldly.
“Are you the professor?” Ted muttered.
“Yes, and what is it I can do you for, good man?” he replied.
“Well, I have a slight problem with some shrinkage, sir.”
The professor somewhat in shock, and slightly confused stepped backwards as if a lunatic had some how found a way into this sacred building.
“No, not down there!” Ted said, as he was pointing to his crotch. “I shrunk the planet Wayden. It’s the one on the other side of the galaxy, and well the problem is I can’t seem to un-do it with any mathematical formula.”
“You What?” said the professor?
Ted again began to speak. “I shrunk the plan–” The professor cut him off.
“I heard you quite well the first time. How did you ever achieve that in the first place?”
Ted prepared him self for this question, knowing the answer wasn’t quite easy to explain. “Well me and the IBC squad down in the lab decided to use some of your scientific data on ‘The manipulation of Solid Matter’We realized that if shrinking a couch was possible to fit through a door and then re-size it later, that we could re-size anything. It’s the basic theory of Relativism, sir.”
“For the last three weeks that I have been working here, the IBC guys have been trying to figure out the correct formula and have been manipulating the data in order to do this. Anyways, the real problem happened once we shrunk the planet.
When the planet was re-sized to be ten times smaller, it moved ten times closer to the star it inhabits. This created life on the planet, such as the life on our own planet. The question then becomes, do we attempt to re-size the planet, and kill all the ‘beings’ inhabiting it? Or do we leave it alone, because I’m not up for murder today?”
“How big is the Planet now?” asked the professor, still in disbelief someone would even try something so stupid.
“The planet was 400,000 km, and now is only about 40,000 km around sir. But what the hell should I do? Or we do? Am I fired?”
” Fuck it!” The professor expressed as he slammed his hand on the table. “The only way to fix this now is ..er.. The planets don’t dictate our course in life, it is the stars that control us. As long as we can control the ‘beings’ that you have created, and not allow them to hurt our stars and our galaxy, they can live; However, we will need to watch over these creatures in order to make sure they don’t do anything stupid. Go back down stairs, and create a new project with the (Inter bold Computer generated Man) the IBC as you call them. You both will find a way to create a large eye seeing system that will orbit the planet at a decent pace. In this system you make sure that it is well protected by hard matter and nothing more.
Call it (The Moon Station) and its your design, because its your fuck up!”
Ha ha, funny. The first time I read Adams I immediately ran to my notepad and wrote a story about how the human race destroyed itself via a device called a ‘logic bomb’, which essentially depolarizes one’s I.Q. So if you had an I.Q. of 108, the ‘logic bomb’ would switch it to -108, causing your entire being to stop living out of sheer stupidity. The only person who survived was this total retard who had started out with an I.Q. of -2. He was the smartest being on the planet.
Yeah, it was dumb, and made no sense, but I guess this is the sort of effect readings of Adams can have on minds sometimes.
Liked your piece — looks like you’re taking a sort of artificial life slant on things. That’s cool. Also if I may:
“What lay inside the room was far more interesting, a man standing against a desk holding a beaker into the air stairing at it boldly.
“Are you the professor?†Ted muttered.”
This kind of transition simply does not work well. The whole preceding paragraph was focused on how fascinating this amazing room was, and having the main character (through whom you are basically following the story) just ‘mutter’ after that … it breaks the pace of the story.
agh good point, I was trying to find a way to transition to the conversation. I might go back to change it, Might not.
Just enjoyed writing it.
If I only had an Iq of a -2 lol
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