Zombie Land Movie Review

I’ve got three words for you: ZOM BIE LAND!

It was exhilarating!! And yeah, if you were at the Saturday night 9:30 PM showing in Collegeville, USA I was the gal you love to hate who was all “YEEESSS!!!! ” out loud- a lot! Then the guys sitting in the row behind me started getting into it and the friend I was with started poking me to stop, but I was too into the movie. ZOM BIE LAND!
From now on (or for at least the next damn week) this will be my battle cry. Oh, you’re interested in a road trip? Can it meet my Zombie Land needs? Will this adventure bring me the heightened breath-caught-high-in-my chest suspense of guys being chased by (wild dogs need not apply, we have) Zombies?!?!?

Trust me, you NEED to go! FAST! Get to Costco, get 2 tix for $15 prepaid, save some money. Beg, borrow, and, short of stealing, find a way. Bribe your cohorts, shorties, anyone you’d invite for a Pirate-themed swashbuckling event who already owns their own broadsword- these are the guys you want there with you. You’ll understand afterwards. Go experience this with guys, and get non-wimpy guys, the ones who’d get into it, the ones who would razz you about it WHILE they’re sitting next to you trying not to leap out of their seats grinning wildly with “did you freakin’ SEE that, dude?!?” in their eyes (let it go if someone goes misty, its just that good a film).
In a much understated point: Woody freaking Harrelson- this was absolutely the right venue for him to make this zombie film. And yeah, EVERY film star need to greet their demons (and obligatory monster-based blood’n'guts film) head-on with a cowboy hat and a “F**K ‘ Devil may care’ ” attitude. There was no option, Woody or nothing. There was a ringer brought in for the virginal shut-in type who’ll soon replace the guys from Super Bad who have since gone on to be more famous than egos can allow…. you know the ones. Who cares about the ones. Michael Cera my ass, Jesse Eisenberg owns his role and contended zombies….. and we ALL know that was ten times harder than whining through teen angst. ” Boo-hoo, girls don’t like me.” Screw that, quit making me roll my eyes or we’ll call in Eisenberg and let him blow a few hollow-points through you like the front view of a radiator grill. {Seem familiar? Jesse Eisenberg was in about 9 previous movies, including The Village (look for him, he was a fetus then), The Whale And The Squid, and Adventureland}
Abigail Breslin and Emma Stone play a pair of renegade scam-happy sisters in search of one last nostalgic moment in an otherwise wasteland of zombie-infused existence. True to form, Breslin breathes life into the human side (pun intended) of this journey, which you’ll live along with this mismatched quad of survivors . Stone’s character balances out the sweeter side of Harrelson’s brashness, letting you sometimes forget that aside from all those darn wiley zombies and their need to get blown away (and yes, kids, most of this film involves Zombies being massacred in fun new ways), people just need to get along. There is a really big celebrity cameo which I’m trying SO hard not to ruin for you, but be prepared- like the zombies themselves, you’ll be blown away! Okay, okay, gratuitous hint: when zombies attack, Who Ya Gonna Call?!? Yeah, that one! {Trust me, once you’ve seen ZOM BIE LAND you’ll be as geeked as I was, and I was sitting across the aisle from this guy wearing the SHIRT ( I had no clue at the time, someone kinda tipped him off) and actually commented on it….. little did I know there would be iconic references, nay, HOMAGE paid! Man, I love a good cheeky director!
Tonight just rocked! It was an all-seats-filled theater when the house lights dimmed, and about three minutes in I dropped some contraband dollar store Twizzlers on the floor, not realizing until much later. We were ready for action and director Ruben Fleischer came through for each and every one of us.
ZOM BIE LAND! There IS no option!