All my life I’ve had a notion that pants should have been reserved for women and skirts should have been reserved for men. This seems quite logical given the fact that pants have a split down the middle and women also have a split. Conversely, in a skirt men’s danglers can dangle loosely, unrestricted and free to do their thing. Somewhere in the days of early fashion the rules for men and women became terribly skewed. I could not change this historical fashion misnomer nor could this change my mind.
For a long time I didn’t act on this notion until recently when I shed all pants and started wearing kilts. It was refreshing in the beginning, but after a while complete strangers would ask me if I were Scottish or on my way to the Highland Games. I would inform them that the Irish also wear kilts from time to time, although not as readily as Sean Connery or extras from “Braveheart.”
Following the kilt phase I then began to wear dresses and skirts but it didn’t look acceptable, a man wearing a sundress in public sporting a shaved head, hairy legs, and face stubble. To fix this I grew out my hair under long wigs and got electrolysis done on my face, arms, back, and legs. I felt smooth and looked smooth, but it was just not enough. In order to fully appear in accordance with my notion I had quit working out, at least not with so much weight and definitely no more calf raises.
To continue reading Pantaloons, you must buy the book Morning Stories
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What do you say to a person who delves the intricacies of his own pants? You tell them the Loch Ness monster is real.
I honestly absolutely LOVED this story! It was smooth, and I have to admit when the kid goes underneath of you..
Loch Ness Monster.
THATS AWESOME lol
The story was written in a way where I don’t honestly know if it was a true story or not. So I did not classify it.
Well, first of all, thanks for the love – it means a lot. Second, no it’s not a true story, thankfully. It would be pretty scary if it was. I wrote it in first person because that’s just how I felt it needed to be expressed. Didn’t want to confuse anyone about my orientation or anything. The character is already confusing enough, right?
Now that I think about it, probably seems like kind of a funky story to start off with. I guess I just wanted to let everyone know stories from me are going to make a person think…or cringe.
It’s detachable.
Why do men feel the need to stick their danglers were they so obviously do not belong. That being said i was lmao the whole time.
I thought this story was great from beginning to end.. good job!! and it totally cracked me up.
@craftymaynard: No worries, I think we should all realize that stories don’t have to reflect an author’s real life, per se
Thought this was was fun, and somewhat irreverent. Keep it up! (The storytelling, of course).
So what does everyone think of the podcast? i know you listened
Many thanks to Marissa. She gave the read splendid emphasis in all the right parts. She must be a very brave woman for reading this story. I can only wonder how many takes it took for her to read it without laughing.
Thanks to everyone else for your comments. Glad to see people can appreciate the “light” subject matter.
One small note: I am getting together an actual true story to post. Fiction is where my heart is but real life can sometimes be crazier.
I thought Marissa did a great job with the reading. It was fluent and clear. Perhaps could have been a little slower, but I think the fast pace aided the story anyway.
This is one of the best comedic pieces I’ve read so far on the site! I laughed at every paragraph, and the opening line was a definite attention grabber. You really got into the character’s mindset, which shows a serious commitment to making this story the best it could be. I give this piece 10/10 stars!