All my life I’ve had a notion that pants should have been reserved for women and skirts should have been reserved for men. This seems quite logical given the fact that pants have a split down the middle and women also have a split. Conversely, in a skirt men’s danglers can dangle loosely, unrestricted and free to do their thing. Somewhere in the days of early fashion the rules for men and women became terribly skewed. I could not change this historical fashion misnomer nor could this change my mind.
For a long time I didn’t act on this notion until recently when I shed all pants and started wearing kilts. It was refreshing in the beginning, but after a while complete strangers would ask me if I were Scottish or on my way to the Highland Games. I would inform them that the Irish also wear kilts from time to time, although not as readily as Sean Connery or extras from “Braveheart.”
Following the kilt phase I then began to wear dresses and skirts but it didn’t look acceptable, a man wearing a sundress in public sporting a shaved head, hairy legs, and face stubble. To fix this I grew out my hair under long wigs and got electrolysis done on my face, arms, back, and legs. I felt smooth and looked smooth, but it was just not enough. In order to fully appear in accordance with my notion I had quit working out, at least not with so much weight and definitely no more calf raises.
To continue reading Pantaloons, you must buy the book Morning Stories