The twelve step meeting is getting ready to start and I look around the room. I see women wearing an assortment of handmade fashion items, lots of knit pieces and homemade jewelry. They are carrying decoupage cigar box purses with beaded handles. Most of the women sit with their bandaged hands in their laps and wait for the meeting to start, others chat nervously while they wait. The room is filled with the smell of burnt coffee and a slight hint of homemade potpourri. It’s not a good combination and my head begins to hurt. As I look around I realize that we are all the victims of the new Arts and Crafts movement sweeping the suburbs. When we can’t find joy in our boring over-scheduled lives we make things. Some of us turn to yarn and beads, others arrange flowers and scrap book. Regardless of the poison, we are lost souls who have come to the basement of the Dwyer Senior Center to find salvation through Craftaholics Anonymous.
My fingers still hurt from the night before. I dozed off after twelve hours of knitting. Doug found me crunched up in the living room chair covered with fuzz and glitter. I opened my eyes to find his red face hanging over me. ”Jesus Christ, I thought we were done with all of this. We all have enough knit scarves. Jake looks like a pussy in his. Fourteen-year-old boys should not wear fuzz and fringe. His friends tease him but he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. I have one, my sister has one, my mom has one, my dad has one, the Orkin Man has one we don’t need any more scarves. Oh, and remember that knit tie you made for me that you were constantly on my case about wearing to work? You were so happy the day I wore it. Of course it had to be the day I was photographed for the company newsletter. Now, Frank from accounting has the picture of me wearing it as his screen saver. He says he looks at it whenever he wants to remember what he was wearing in 1984. The point is we are all suffering here. I am begging you. Please stop knitting.”
In a quivering voice I tried to explain that I had to knit the scarves for the PTA Christmas Craft Blitz at Jake’s school. “I only have two more weeks. They are expecting me to fill a whole eight foot table with scarves. I am not going to make it. Oh, and for the record, knit ties are back.” He yanked me up and forced me to look into the dining room where our table held the evidence of my addiction. He grabbed my head and turned it so I could look into the kitchen. The kitchen table had disappeared as well. “You have enough. We used to eat on the kitchen table. When was the last time you put hot food in front of your son? The laundry is piling up and people are starting to ask me if you are agoraphobic.
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Well here’s a coupon for Michaels, tweety-granny, ‘cos writing sure ain’t where you should be channeling your newly relaxed energies.
Just kidding! This was a great write with fantastic details and smooth delivery in terms of flow and structure. It’s rare that I enjoy first-person narration, but this pulls it off — it is completely believable, but doesn’t come across as self-obsessed. There’s a certain distance from self employed here that keeps the reader in the *world* of the writer, rather than wandering off into the *mind* of the writer.
Just two criticisms, really:
“My fingers still hurt from the night before. I dozed off after twelve hours of knitting.”
This transition into flashback gave me a little trouble. Upon initial read, I thought we were now back home *after* the 12-step meeting. It is basically because you are using simple past tense (I dozed off …) rather than past perfect tense (I had dozed off …). Using the past perfect informs the reader that something had *previously* happened.
The second thing was that I didn’t care too much for the length and detail of Dot’s or Betty’s parts. I know you were fleshing out the nature of the ‘meeting’, but you don’t have to go so far as to do two whole mini-stories about them. Condensing them both to a single paragraph should do nicely. I think the reason is that the reader is already quite immersed in the kind of world these craftaholics live in — further expounding only begins to distract from the narrator’s tale.
Anyway, I know that seems like long criticism, but critiques usually take longer than praise. I really enjoyed this piece and hope to read more of your work in the future!
Thank you so much for reading and your helpful comments – I appreciate so much the opportunity to learn from posting – hope to do more in the future and read everyone else’s work!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am on the floor, twisting in pain, from laughing sooo hard!
I swear,,,,this is totally true>>> I was just about to make some more (un-needed, unsold) jewelry, but I decided to check my email first…and behold,,,there was your story. I could have and should have written this myself.
Seriously…I am ONE BEAD AWAY from the “Hoarders: Buried Alive” show.
My fav parts are:
>>Jake looks like a pussy in his.
>>Frank from accounting has the picture of me wearing it as his screen saver.
>>You don’t wear makeup anymore. You use to be so hot.
>>“You have five minutes to brush your teeth and put on that hideous poncho you made.
>>Maybe with all the crafters in one place we could make a quilt or something.
>>She sees me staring at her eye patch and says, “My craft of choice is wood burning.
Note: I immediately knew the cause of her malady ….I fell-out laughing!!
And..the absolutely BEST part of your story is………..
>>>>Unfortunately, I have started drinking but it is a small price to pay.
I am not a learned critic, but as a reader, I loved your story.
Excuse me for now, as I’ve got to go see about a swarovski crystal that is embedded in the heel of my foot, as it is starting to fester (hahahahahaaaa!)
Thanks so much for reading – I have to go now – making a mosaic coffee table out of cracked pottery…just kidding – opting for a glass of vino instead!
One of the best I’ve read in a long time.
The absolute reason I love this story is you have a knack for channeling Chuck Palahniuk in your writing and subject matter. Kind of like Diary meets Choke. (And, if you don’t know what I mean, read either one and see if there is not a similarity. This is coming from a praise stand point.)
Please give us MORE along the same lines as this stuff.
I love Chuck so thanks so much for the comparison!
This is really good stuff. I’m not sure what else to say; I’m a bit distracted. It’s really really good though.
Finally got around to reading this one! All the comments it received, I just had to get a second of down time to get to it!
Absolutely hysterical! I have to wonder if its a true story! If it is, you probably didn’t just take up drinking, but writing to. Both can take up quite a lot of time lol.
A lot of people tend to pass off 1 addiction with another. I used to be addicted to Music, then football, now this website lol.
this made me smile : ) a lot.
thanks for the entertaining read ^.^
Freaking love this! It’s a very well constructed piece. Kudos to you kovic