our people committed genocide against the native americans,took their land, and tried to convert them to christianty and we did that to other races as well.and we succeeded.and it’s disgusting.. i loathe my bretheren and everything western society stands for. we’ve done so much damage to this world and other cultures..i renounce my birthright and stand as a human being of the world.no ties to any culture. i belong to no country.
are you john lennon?replied the stranger.
no i’m not john lennon he said snidely.
what? are you another white buddhist?
no i’m not ..he said angrilly
were instruments of nature.were sophisticated animals with shiny toys but were animals nonetheless..i despise human beings and anything that nature has created ..i only rely on my own judgement not the judgement of others and i see america and a lot of other nations as depraved,hedonistic,and mindlesslessly carefree…and theyll pay for it.
who will make them pay?asked the stranger innocently.
themselves, said the athiest.theyll pay for it themselves.the atheist was heaving now breathing pantlessly.
you sound like a puritan, replied the stranger in an easy tone..you sound like another jesus.
i’m no jesus.the athiest said serenely. if we’re made in the image of god what does that tell us about god?.
“it tells a lot..doesn’t it?agreed the stranger..but i think you focus too much on the negative said the stranger.what about all this beauty in front of us?
there’s only beauty in it if you see beauty in it..it’s subjective
i think you’re too unappreciative of your life said the stranger…why not end it now and see what’s on the other side?
because i have too much to do, said the atheist.
are you trying to leave some sort of mark on the world?
maybe…what is it to you?
nothing…it just seems someone as nihilistic as you would think everything would be in vain.
that’s where you’re wrong.i have a voice and i intend to use it.
as a weapon?a weapon against life and humanity?
exactly. responded the atheist.
what did humanity and life do to you to incur so much wrath?i think-
life and humanity broke my innocence…i’ll vent everything that’s in my head through writing and wage war against this world and universe.
that’s seems a little childish said the stranger.
does it? said the athiest.when your eyes are open….you begin to see a lot of disgusting things and it mars everything you thought was beautiful no?when your eyes are closed you see nothing.
that’s pretty profound.replied the stranger.
are you mocking me?
no…it seems someone with your sense and intelligence could go pretty far in life…you shouldnt let life pass you by-
life didnt pass me by said the athiest frustrated i passed life by.. i saw it for what it was.. something crude, misshapen and ugly.the more experience one accumulates of life the more one is repelled by it.
wow said the stranger…that is profound.
why are you talking to us? asked the atheist
honestly?
yes..
i have nothing better to do.
(laughter)
see you’re laughing…there’s some mirth in you. you don’t seem to be all fire and brimstone,joked the stranger.
where did you come from? interrupted a female atheist.
oh… from around said the stranger.
that’s pretty vague said the female atheist.
it’s a vague world replied the stranger shrugging his shoulders.
you dress very nicely said another athiest..you must be well off…
i’m well enough to take care of myself not well enough to take care of others said the stranger.the first atheist eyed him suspiciously.”what do you want?asked the first atheist.
“pleasant conversation” said the stranger.the stranger picked a ladybug from the sleeve of his white cotton shirt and flicked it.”it doesnt seem as if we are having a pleasant conversation”said the first atheist
“no we’re having a constructive one” said the stranger.
“for whom?”asked the first atheist inquistively.
“for you”said the stranger directly.the first atheist was a little bit startled by the tone of the reply he stepped back a little.”well i think it’s time for us to grab lunch,interjected one of the female athiests.”it was nice meeting you…i hope you don’t think us to be rude if we don’t invite you….i mean you are a stranger.”of course not” said the stranger.”that’s very prudent of you not to invite a stranger to lunch….it shows good sense..at least in these times”…she gave a faint laugh and motioned for everyone to leave…they all left and headed towards town.
Great story! A bit psychological and twisted at the same time
very nice. It got a little hard to keep up with which atheist was which, but I am tired.
The premise seems interesting, but the ‘stylized’ punctuation put me off from reading beyond the first couple of paragraphs.
Wait, so is there something simple that I could have done to fix this before it was posted? I’m wondering now what Craftymaynard thought of it, if he had an opportunity to see it and check it out.
Heh, no I’m not laying blame on any editors. Look, the piece is intentionally written without capilizations. I know this kind of stuff — it’s an art-form — I’ve done it, ages ago. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
In this case, I’m saying it doesn’t. 1) He uses periods in places where they work badly in this style. 2) The spelling errors and sometimes grammatical incoherence mitigate any effects the stylistic choice engender. If you’re going to be clever with ‘the form’, then make sure you have your bases covered.
Before you call me a whining bitch, I’ll admit that I have done a lot of shit like this before myself.
Edit: Also, on a larger scale, I don’t feel the style fits the content of the story itself.