67 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOUR UNEMPLOYED
1. File for Unemployment
2. Get denied for unemployment
3. Go to court and fight for your rights.
4. Win your case!
5. Figure out how to live off of Unemployment.
6. Be shocked by rumors that Congress denied Unemployment benefits.
7. Figure out what station CNN is on.
8. Watch CNN everyday to see if Congress approved Extended Unemployment benefits.
9. See if CNN has an iPhone App.
10. Cell phone battery dies while loading Grocery Coupons App.
11. Realize it didn’t die…service is shut-off.
12. Hope the gas and lights fairy made a visit while you were gone.
13. Make up excuses why you lost your job to family and friends.
14. Downsized??? Sounds good.
15. Bore your friends the latest Dr. Oz warnings.
16. Spend your 401k on Alternative Medicine (COBRA ran out).
17. Cry because friends keep asking you if you got a job yet.
18. Cry because EVERYONE has stop asking.
19. Cry because those you thought were friends are now enemies of the State.
20. Cry because coworkers no longer call you.
21. Stop crying and get made cuz your boyfriend wants more sex.
22. Cry, cringe and throw-up in your mouth…only a little bit, when asked, “Can you baby-sit?”
23. Try to remember, he wants to “Talk” later. Note to self: a little head goes a long way.
24. Cry again because you’re drenched in sweat and don’t know why.
25. Cry because you think you’re pregnant.
26. Stop mid-tear because you haven’t had sex in months.
27. Accept the onset of menopause.
28. Cry hysterically.
29. Laugh uncontrollably.
30. Wonder what you were angry about earlier.
31. Make an appointment at the Welfare Office that you used to drive pass everyday on your way to work.
32. Note to self: Didn’t even know it was there!
33. Wear a hat the day of your appointment.
34. Sans contact lens!
35. Recognize a former coworker who didn’t give you the time of day, standing in-line in front of you.
36. Dam….she wins again!
37. See another former coworker who wasted your time with new baby milestones and vacation photos.
38. Silently wonder where is his wife?
39. Remember she left him shortly after the Christmas party.
40. Remember that he was the only one surprised.
41. Recognize the person you fired 2 years ago is assigned to your case.
42. Turn to tell the person behind you, to go ahead in front of you.
43. Recognize he is Ex-boyfriend.
44. Pretend you don’t know him.
45. Start to sweat…again, you don’t know why.
46. Why is it so dam HOT in here!!
47. Fight back tears.
48. Eyeliner smeared.
49. Get distracted by the number of crying babies.
50. Get annoyed by the number of folks not pissed about it!
51. Start to feel sick because, as luck would have it, the person you fired is STILL your caseworker.
52. Recognize her smirk as the same one you gave her on the day you terminated her.
53. Gather up your paperwork…mid-sentence, as she tells you that you don’t qualify for assistance.
54. Become very annoyed, as she answers her cell phone.
55. As you walk-away, tail between legs, overhear her say, “Girl you won’t believe who just crawled out of here!”
56. Pass your Ex again, on your way out…
57. You remember, the same one you said wouldn’t amount to anything…with or without you?
58. Take notice that the age of his child-in-tow overlaps the dramatic- years.
59. Wow, baby looks just like HIS EX.
60. Drive back home.
61. Glassy-eyed…
62. Shallow breath.
63. Wonder, one more time…”WTF?”
64. Crank-up the radio, “I’m a Loser Baby” by Beck.
65. Nod your head as lips quiver and sing along, as you grip the steering wheel.
66. There, as I sit at the cross-roads of “..You can get with this…or you can get with that” a pigeon shits dead center of windshield. Worn wiper-blades smear it’s answer from the universe…corner to corner. End to end.
67. I’m out of windshield wiper fluid.
Holy Smokes!!! My husband has been out of work since Sept 2009, and continues to apply for anything that comes along. He is positive most days, and keeps busy around our house. He has joined the local trap club, shoots once a week, and helps out with the 4-h trap shooting club for the kids. He also joined the peace officer club here in our county, and joins in on the fund raiser events and meetings once a month. He is continuing to grow his network, which he is doing a really good job at it. His benefits run out in November 2010, and we are hoping as you are that he will have something come to him by then. I hope for the best for you.
The very best thing to do is keep busy. I’m hoping the best for your family, as well.
All the retail places that have turned me down, are now soliciting me for business. Are they serious!!! Is that how they used my resume info????? If I didn’t need a job, like yesterday, I’d cuss them out!!
So many awesome lines in this piece, but my favorite is “64. Crank-up the radio, “I’m a Loser Baby” by Beck.” Awesome.
Well if you liked #64, you’re gonna love #68>>>>
While my BF was complaining, yet again, about how I’m neglecting him…I did not interrupt him. He looked at me said….”YOu’ve got NOTHING to say?”
I looked at him…deadpan..and said, “I’m a Loser, Baby, so why don’t you kill me”.
I swear it seems like he gave it a moments thought!
my personal fave is cry hysterically, laugh uncontrollably, that always feels good afterwords, a truely fantastic piece of work, laughed the whole way through
It warms my heart that I made you laugh. It started off as 10 things to do..but the Other 50 were standing over my shoulder, asking me, “Are you serious….what…no mention of us…uhh OK…are you sure you want to play it like this??
Sorry, but the threat seem real at the time.
Very appreciative of all comments! Glad you enjoyed it…at my expense!!!HAAAAAA!!!!LOL!!
Unemployment made me hate Democrats and Republicans, as they seem to all be idiots.