Another Bad Night
I took a sleeping pill last night.. I was tired of tossing and turning all night thinking about you. I wanted to get some sleep finally for a change.. It seemed like a good idea at the time.. Until I fell asleep..
It was there I found you… I wasn’t up all night, tossing and turning, thinking about you. I was passed out, still tossing and turning, dreaming of you..
I used to enjoy those dreams.. I used to want to sleep forever, for it was my only way of being with you..
But I cannot fool myself any longer.. Not even in my sleep… For when I dream of you I know now that I am dreaming. It’s agony..
I shouldn’t have taken that pill… That dream was taunting.. Mocking me.. Making fun of me.. Showing me a world I long for so bad, a life I would give anything for.. if only you would have me.. But you won’t..
and no matter what I do, no matter how well I know this.. I cannot shake this feeling.. I wanted to wake up so badly.. But I couldn’t… and when I finally did, I woke up here.. Alone and crying..
I love you so much, so much more than you can ever see.. and it still kills me that after all this time I still love you.. I still need you. I still can’t believe you are gone, and I should be fine by now, but I’m not.. How can I be? If I could let myself believe in soul mates, mine would be you… but I cannot let myself believe because I cannot have you..
The funny thing is.. When you read this, I am not even sure if you will know that I am talking about you.. I suffer so much without you, so lost… Trying so hard to keep myself together, but forever being torn without you.. and I don’t even think you realize it.