Dear Alexandra
by Luke Tarzian
Life passes by quicker than the eye can blink, quicker than the snap of one’s fingers, quicker than the speed of light, even. With life comes the gift of family, friendship, and, most important in this story, love. Love; the one thing that brought me back from the depths of eternal nightmare, back from the very brink…only to thrust me back in again as it took Alexandra deep into the shadowy abyss. She was everything to me, but just as life passes by, so too does love. This, however, is not a love I intend to let slip away without a fight. The realm I intend to enter and the things I shall see are not meant for the human eye. If you think my tale is of the typical romantic mold, then you are sorely mistaken. I do not know if I shall see my home of Bordeaux ever again, or the surface for that matter. If this is my last moment among the living, I shall leave it knowing I lived a life of fulfillment, accompanied by the most angelic creature I ever had the privilege of laying my eyes on. Dear Alexandra, my darling, my belle…you set my heart on fire.
‘Dear Alexandra….’
They were my last words amongst the living as I edged my way towards the gaping chasm before me. I sighed and stepped forward, feeling the cold winter wind rush through my hair as I plummeted into the abyss. I watched the surface dissipate, becoming naught but a tiny dot of light. I shut my eyes and waited for the descent to end. It seemed that even the darkest corners of the world couldn’t black out the memories of Alexandra. Her lovely face illuminated my thoughts: soft brown hair and bright blue eyes, as blue and deep as the sea. Her skin was pale but not in a deathly way; it was fair. Her laugh was serene, like the harp of an Angel. I heard her voice as I fell beneath the world—soft whispers calling out to me, pleading for me to come closer. I reached my hands towards her, only to grab smoke. I watched helplessly as the pleasantness of her figure vanished from my thoughts, taken by things of despair and sorrow; I was wrong—even the darkness could take from my mind the thoughts of her loveliness.
After infinitely falling through emptiness for what seemed like hours, I landed with a thud. For a moment, I sat and thought about how this had all come to pass, why I was now in the deepest trench of the earth…and why I suddenly felt so…so bestial and inhuman. Something didn’t feel right but with the nothingness about, I couldn’t tell what. My thoughts slid into obscurity as I struggled to focus. And as I sat frustrated, a voice called out to me. It was neither inviting nor hostile, a drone in the shadows, a guide perhaps. I walked forward blindly as the voice beckoned me forth. It led me deeper and deeper and I soon found myself gazing upon a light. As I stepped further into the strange underworld, the light grew brighter: I was in a tunnel. I hastened my steps; I was anxious to leave the hole and the passage.
I came to the end and stepped out into the luminosity. I looked around in wonder at the room I had entered. It was still rather dim. In the center was a silver mirror, the source of the light.
“The mirror. Look into it, Faro.”
I obeyed the voice and stared into the mirror, my reflection staring back at me. I looked hard, watching in utter horror as my reflection morphed and contorted into some fearsome beast. I turned from the mirror, frightened. I stared down at my hands and feet, met by the paws of the creature I’d seen.
“What is this?” I asked. “What have I done to deserve this?”
“Betrayal; lies; deceit,” replied the mysterious voice. “You failed her; gave into the sinful hands of conformity. Now, as we speak, the city of Bordeaux is burning; burning as the rancid spectres you conjured and followed lay siege to the city you once called home.”
“It can’t be true,” I howled. “It just can’t. I never meant to…”
“And Alexandra…she is prisoner to things and demons of your own creation,” continued the voice. “She trusted you and you let her down, Faro. Do you remember that night? Do you remember that man? That morose, pitiful man that you let consume you…”
I listened, filled with the guilt of an infinite sinner as the pictures danced in my head, the words becoming bitter reality. I had let them turn me…twist my personality. Because of them, I had failed her. Because of myself, I had let her down.
“Why…why turn me into… this?” I asked.
“A creature of nightmares and legend, conceived in the flame-wreathed darkness of the pit; born from the sorrow of this very realm; feared by all throughout Europe. Should you succeed in saving your dear Alexandra, you won’t be allowed within a mile of Bordeaux.”
I fell to my knees and wept as the truth bled through my veins and stabbed at my heart. If I could save her…would Alexandra still love me? Would she forgive me for what I had done? Would she dare look upon me as the man she so loved or the wretched beast I’d become? I had no answers to these questions. I whimpered like a cowardly pup as I gathered myself from the dank floor.
“Where now, phantom?” I begged. “How do I find my beloved?”
“Across the broken pass; across the remains of a soul corrupt,” said the voice. “At the very end is a tower. Enter the overlook and vanquish the thing within and you shall have your Alexandra once more.”
“Very well,” I growled, wiping the tears from my eyes as I collected myself. I looked ahead as the silver mirror became a portal to the land of nightmare. I put a quivering paw forward and pushed through the silver liquid.
The pass was a great bridge, suspended above an infinite hole of darkness. Spirits of the forgotten and moaning visages called out from the depths as I made my way across. At the other end of the bridge was a great tower, the very one in which I would find my Alexandra. I gave an unnatural growl and ran forward like the dirty, deceitful beast I was, fleeing from the torment of guilt; rushing to save a love slowly slipping away.
The thought of holding Alexandra in my arms once more fueled me as I bolted across the ancient bridge. Hands of spirit and flesh grabbed at me as I ran, tripping me and holding me down. With every ounce of unholy strength in my body, I escaped their grasp; they would not stop me from reaching the one I loved. I ran the end of the pass, the spetres and other phantom things of nightmare screeching all around.
“Dear Alexandra…you set my heart on fire,” I murmured, taking those words as a prayer of my own. “I won’t let that flame die. I won’t let you die.”
I leapt towards the overlook, feeling a sense of unparalleled fear as I pressed my paws to the decayed door. I pushed it open and entered the tower, the smell of fester and death invading my wet nose immediately. From the highest point in the tower, I heard screams, the anguished cries of my belle. I dashed up the old winding staircase as fast as my four, furry feet would carry me. I ran for eternity, it seemed; I never tired. Alexandra was just floors above me and I wasn’t about to give up; not when I was so close.
At long last, I reached the top of the black tower. In the middle of the room, Alexandra lay in a heap on the rotting floor, the eager hands of death grabbing at her, trying to pull her under. Above her stood the creature—a body of smoke and shadow, two hollow, lifeless orbs for eyes. It was me: the darkness that dwelled within me, the failure—there was no denying it. I leapt towards Alexandra as the hands pulled at her. I longed so badly to hold her again. I tumbled through my wispy self like a ghost and dropped to my knees before Alexandra, trying to pull her away from the grasp of the departed. To my utter horror and dismay, my paws slipped right through her just as I had slipped through my nightmare twin. I turned to him as he taunted me with a deranged laughter. I looked back at Alexandra as she vanished into the tower, pulled in by the hands, her soul now part of nightmare for eternity.
“No!” I howled in agony. “She can’t be gone!” I cried as I fell to my knees.
The demonic laugher persisted all around me. I stood and turned to him, my anger and sorrow reaching their pinnacle as I gazed upon my own face; looked upon the true master of nightmare. The sorrow, fear, and demise of sweet Alexandra beat down on me like a hammer to an anvil. I curled up like the pathetic thing I was and cried, wanting so much for everything to end, wanting so much to see Alexandra once more.
As I whimpered, something called to me, whispering my name and beckoning me closer. I found myself passing back over the bridge, through the mirror, and into the dark tunnel once more, wallowing in shame and disgust as I sat where my journey to nightmare had started. The darkness descended upon me, like the horrid gray clouds of a storm, growing closer and closer, baring down on me until I could no longer breathe. I fell into nothing….
My eyes opened with a snap. I looked about in panic. The sky was black, filled with stars. I looked below me, met with the grass and the earth. I leaned back, coming to rest on the trunk of a tree. I looked to my side, my eyes meeting the magnificent blues of Alexandra. She whispered to me, kissing my check softly as she did so.
It was in this precise moment I realized that everything I had been through, every terrible image had been only a dream: my own personal nightmare. By falling into the belief that I had let Alexandra slip away from me, I unknowingly forced myself into believing that cataclysm had claimed Bordeaux; coerced myself into thinking the collateral damage of the city’s demise led to the fall of Alexandra, led to her descent into nightmare.
I sighed contently, glad that everything was as it should be. I looked at Alexandra’s lovely face, pushing her long, caramel hair out of her eyes, framing her beautiful face perfectly. I stared at her longingly, finally kissing her softly. She smiled and returned my gesture; it made me smile, too. I lay back against the tree and snuggled up to Alexandra, the two of us basking in each other’s soothing presence. The torment was gone, the nightmare was over; all was well.
©Luke Tarzian, 2011
