A: I have on Spider Man, what are you wearing?
B: Iron Man, but they’re about to come off. I hate wearing underwear! I like to let myself hang free…..if ya know what I mean.
A: I know EXACTLY what you mean. Every time I can get mine off though, my mom throws a hissy fit. I’d rather smother my goods than hear that wailing she does, plus she has this nasty habit of spittin’ when she yells. I wonder if she even knows that she does it.
B: Ewww! Guess that means you wear a lot of ponchos and Wellies eh?
A: Haha, I wish. At least then I would be spared of the smoke-filled spit.
B: Smoke? Your mommy smokes? That’s so yucky!
A: I know. Don’t like it when she kisses me after having a drag.
B: I bet! Gross!
A: The sandbox sure is warm today. Did you pee in it again?
B: No no no no, not today. I only peed yesterday because Dad forgot to bring my shovel and pail. He knows I love my shovel and pail. I know he forgot because before we left he was on the phone with his girlfriend again, Misty. I don’t like her. When she yells at Dad, Dad yells at me. I don’t like being yelled at. It makes me cry. Hard.
A: Don’t be sad about it! I hear my mom yell all the time to her boyfriend, Max. I don’t like Max either. He always smells like beer, the cheap kind.
B: Ewww! How do grown-ups drink that stuff? I tasted it once, and then I spit it out. I’ll never ever ever drink that crap when I grow up!
A: Uh-oh, here comes Jillian.
B: Oh-no! If she comes then we’ll get cooties! Tell her to go away!
A: Go away Jillian! We don’t want your cooties today!
B: Yeah, no cooties for us!
A: She looks mad.
B: So! She’s a cootie queen!
A: She’s walking away now. Whew! That was a close one. I don’t want to get a cootie shot.
B: A cootie shot? Who said you would have to get a cootie shot?
A: Roy. Roy said that Nurse Zimmerman would have to give me a cootie shot with a big needle if a girl touched me.
B: What?! That’s stupid. I ain’t scared of no needle! But I don’t want to take a chance, so no girls allowed in the sandbox from now and forever!
A: Good. I don’t like shots. They’re so scary!
B: Yeah, I know, but I don’t cry when I get them.
A: Do too!
B: Do not!
A: Do too!
B: DO NOT!
A: DO TOO!
B: SHUT UP!
A: NO YOU SHUT UP!
B: I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU EAT THIS SAND IF YOU DON’T SHUT THAT BIG MOUTH OF YOURS!
A: OH YEAH? THEN DO IT!
B: OUUUUCCCCHHHH! YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!
A: NOT UNLESS YOU CAN CATCH ME FIRST!
I honestly read the first sentence and thought maybe this was an actual conversation between your kids…. Well.. Then I read more and realized… That was definitely not the case..
Hysterical, and all around great piece
Hehe, thanks. My inspirations for this was more or less, the Rugrats and the Look Who’s Talking movies
agh, loved the rugrats & look who’s talking movies! Makes me miss the rugrats & Doug
I can totally picture this taking place in a Rugrats episode (the rugrats were awesome btw). Enjoyable read and quite humorous. :]
I thought it was very cute how the kids were both very old, and very young. It made me wonder when it was that I started liking beer.