The Fainter

It was obvious how to do it

Yet I couldn’t figure it out

Until I saw it in a movie

Then it became a question,

Was I wicked enough

To pull it off?

Was I strong enough

To see it through?


In one instant, you’re alive,

Eyes darting, heart pounding,

Gushing love, throwing temper tantrums,

Collapsing under weight of existence.

In next instant, you’re dead,

Cold and lifeless, end of story.

Leaving arriving escaping

The perspiration urine smell of fear


People tell me how smart I am,

But I’m not really smart,

More like lucky, and fast runner.

I run from everything.

Did I ever tell you about the times

I’ve run straight into death’s grip,

And that son-of-a-bitch

Keeps spitting me out


One more day, year, decade.

Ok, I say, and make more drawings,

More paintings, more poems,

More stories, more lies.

Live long enough, everything you know collapses.

I know I can be a terrible bitch.

I apologize.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.


Dreaming of moving away

Packing only bare bones of love

And commitment to never betray

Leaving arriving escaping

I wish I were married to one woman

And we lived quiet life sustaining passion

Is sustaining passion possible?


Under weight of existence?

One more moment, hour, night,

Eyes darting, heart pounding,

Gushing love, emotional insecurities,

Making more drawings, more paintings,

More poems, more stories, more lies.

People tell me how smart I am.

I can’t figure it out.




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