She’s dying over and over again
From the insanity of the missing
The heart will repair
Though I wouldn’t dare say this
At the sky she stares
She says life must go on
I must go on
I don’t want to be without him she says
As she opens the second bottle of vodka
If I’d had a choice I’d of gone with him
But I’d never wish for him to ever feel
This crushing feeling
Not for a instance
In the night she thinks I’m sleeping
But I hear everything
I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time ?
I know your a busy bloke and that,
your tired with all these voices shouting up at you,
I would be too.
But I thought I’d give it a go.
I know your the universal spirit and there’s lots on your mind,
so I tell you what I’ll talk and you can just listen,
give me your views at the end.
I was wondering if you’ve looked in on me lately
I’m feeling incredibly unhappy,
Distraught you could say,
I know there’s millions probably billions
I don’t know the average,
but no matter.
I know there’s other’s wanting your attention,
The people dying from cancer or
The African village women screaming for you to stop the men taking their kids,
Putting them on smack to fight there twisted gorilla wars.
Our boys in Afghanistan getting maimed and slaughtered.
So firstly I was wondering if it’s normal to feel this way ?
You see I think of him so much he enters my dreams as soon as I close my eyes,
Is this your doing ?
Tell me what I have to do to stop this fog,
Tell me when I reach the other side I’ll still be me,
Tell me it’s ok to still cry silently, without even knowing,
Tell me how to stop the tears,
Tell me, if this ache in my chest relieves,
Tell me, I’m standing this pain to be with him again,
Go on tell me ??!!!
I’m so alone I bet you got all the Angels up there keeping you company,
Hay I thought they were supposed to be down here looking after us ?
Point is, the real point is
You got something of mine and I want it back.
You took all my grandparents without asking,
Let them all die of cancer slowly before their time, all of them.
By the way I think you’ve had enough cancer out of my family thankyou very much,
Do you feed off it ?
You took my dog when I was little,
Your know the one, scruffy little Jack rustle up there running about,
He’s a proper little cracker.
Missed him awfully I did
You took my dad three times on the operating table,
but he’s still here.
It was like holding your breath for six weeks every time he went through those shiny metal doors,
I mean what sort of a sick joke is that ?
“You can have him”
“No you can’t”
“You can have him”
“I want him back”
It felt like I had aeroplane ear,
All five of us living in an empty house moving around each other like ghosts.
If the bible’s true you should know all this.
But I got an idea you haven’t looked in on me at all.
I’m not blaming you, well I am sort of,
I think your a really good bloke but took too much on,
We all do it now and then don’t we.
I mean the church wrote your book didn’t it,
It’s really down to Matthew , Mark , Luke, and John,
you should really send them boys down here,
I know a lot of people who want a word with them.
They’re responsible for war,
Famine and mass genocide,
Because be honest all wars start at religion one way or another don’t they.
I bet if you felt one second of what I feel,
He would still be beside me, and the empty feeling,
I couldn’t give a name to would disappear.
The aftermath of such evil wars wouldn’t of happened.
I don’t believe you would still let our boys in Afghanistan get themselves blown up and shot in the head
I don’t believe,
If you felt an instance of this loss
You would’ve of let Osama bin Laden get away with all the lives he took on 9/11.
The Jews getting gassed and thrown in pits of thousands
I’m Sorry I’ve gone off track,
What I was saying is,
my dad told me if he’d of died when he got kidney failure
It’s God’s will.
Well if it’s your will,
Do me a favour and send my husband back
I wasn’t finished with him yet.
And if you can’t do that,
Tell him something for me,
Tell him I love him,
But lie, say I’m ok.
Say I’m getting by,
I got sleeping tablets off the doc,
Say I’m almost happy.
Not to worry.
Tell him I’m rushing towards death for him,
That I’ve stocked up on vodka.
God, tell him I’ll be there soon.