About JAYRAY

Avatar of JAYRAY Writer, Drummer, Landman, Gambler
Website: www.drinkingandgambling.com
JAYRAY has written 8 articles so far, you can find them below.

What About Emilio?

With his brother, Charlie (Carlos Irwin Estevez), receiving more press than the 5th largest earthquake on record, I can’t help but wonder: what’s up with Emilio Estevez? Why did two careers which started on such similar paths end up so desparate? And, more poignantly, are we focusing on the wrong Sheen (Estevez)? The answer to the last question is two-fold: of course and why not. America likes turbulence, pyrotechnics.The brothers both essentially started as extras in the classic Francis Ford Copula film, Apocalypse Now, which starred their father, Martin Sheen. Three years older, Emilio found fame a bit sooner than Charlie with The Brat Pack in two quintessential 80’s films: The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo’s Fire. Before that he played “Two-Bit” in The Outsiders beside big-time Los Angeles luminaries Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, and the late Patrick Swayze.Charlie didn’t garner much attention until Ferris Bueller’s sister got hot for him in the police station scene. He played a drugged out teen. Portentous? Was Abe Lincoln honest? Sheen gained critical acclaim and commercial recognition later that year as one of the leads in Oliver Stone’s gripping Vietnam drama, Platoon. His next big success came the year after with Wallstreet, alongside a delightfully greedy Gordon Gekko (Micheal Douglas).The brothers entered the 90’s at roughly the same level of fame and popularity. Emilio was fresh off a successful role as Billy the Kid in Young Guns, and Charlie had fared well as a wild pitcher in Major League. Their personal lives, however, began to diverge.
In 1990, the two joined forces in the hapless film, Men at Work. That year, Charlie accidentally shot Kelley Preston in the arm. They were engaged at the time. Not surprisingly they never married. Emilio already had two children with model Carey Salley, whom he never shot, accidentally or otherwise.Sheen began dating adult film actresses. Estevez was briefly engaged to Demi Moore; the two remain friends. Sheen was implicated in the Heidi Fleiss scandal, while Estevez married ostensible good-girl, Paula Abdul (they divorced two years later). Emilio made a kids’ film: The Mighty Ducks; Charlie made a spoof: Hot Shots!The rest of the decade saw the brothers’ fame dwindle with banal sequels: D2: The Mighty Ducks for Emilio, and Hot Shots! Part Deux for Charlie. But while Emilio tended to his garden and vineyard, Charlie was hospitalized for cocaine use and ended up in rehab.Since 2000, Charlie has no doubt become the more popular brother. His short stint on the TV series, Spin City, and of course, his massive success with Two and a Half Men, has made him the Lebron James of television—a pseudo-villain everyone wants to watch. Meanwhile, Emilio quietly wrote, directed, and starred in one of the best films of 2006, Bobby, a fictionalized account of the events leading to the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. The movie’s incredible cast included Laurence Fishburne, Heather Graham, Anthony Hopkins, Helen Hunt, William H. Macy, Christian Slater, Sharon Stone, and Elijah Wood.I will spare you the run-through of recent controversies and outrageous quotes coming from Charlie. Tune in to E! for the latest. I will mention Charlie has been accused of violence by two of his former wives, pleading guilty to one count of misdemeanor assault. Emilio seems clean as a whistle.So why do I get 506,000,000 hits when I Google Charlie Sheen, but when I do the same for Emilio Estevez I get 406,000? Well…one would obviously rather have Emilio watch the kids, but it depends on one’s disposition with which brother you’d rather have a drink and shoot the breeze. My choice? If it’s wine, I’ll take Emilio, but if you’re talking scotch and a cigar…it’s Carlos every time.

by Jason Raymond
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This Guy Bothering You?

“That guy,” Fred said and motioned subtly with his head.

“The bald one?” Kevin asked turning his back to the bar. He pressed the ring on his fat right middle finger closer to the knuckle. He breathed hard, a humming motor.

“The bald one,” Fred said. “I’ll take his knee.”

“You go low; I’ll go high,” Kevin concluded.

Fred looked at Carla. She sipped the last of her Long Island Iced Tea torpidly and stared back at him. Her pink lips came off the skinny straw slowly. “So what’s up?” he asked her. “He keeps touching you, grabbing you?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “It’s no big deal, though. He asked for my number in the poolroom. I said I had a boyfriend.”

“But…what? He grabbed your ass after that?”

“Yeah, but it’s no big deal, Fred. I’ll tell him to quit.”

“You don’t need to tell him anything,” Fred said, and he breathed rapidly from his nose while his bottom lip enveloped his top one.

The bartender, a spry woman in her late thirties, waltzed over with an elfin smile. “Couple more boys and girls?”

“We’re good,” said Kevin.

“Unless you want something,” Fred said to Carla. She ordered a beer and a shot, took the latter immediately, made a face, and sat anxiously on her stool. Kevin lit a cigarette. The bald guy walked back to the poolroom. Carla tugged on Fred’s arm, but he jerked away. He and Kevin moved carefully to the back.

The poolroom’s darkness aroused additional confidence in Kevin and Fred. The bald guy noticed their arrival and chalked his stick, took a shot. A couple men lounged at round tables in the left corner of the room. Some empty chairs and tables sat off several yards to the right of the pool table. Everything appeared innocuous.

“You Tony?” asked Kevin.

“Yeah,” said Tony.

“You bothering my girl?” asked Fred.

Tony, almost instantaneously, slammed his cue stick—the skinny end—against the edge of the pool table. Just as fast, the sharp part of the splintered stick was thrust at Kevin’s midsection. A barroom matador, Kevin avoided the strike, but in doing so his feet tangled with the legs of a chair. He fell. Before Kevin hit the ground, Tony had the skinny end of the stick in his hand and was ready for an overhead strike with the butt end of the cue to the back of Kevin’s head. Tony could not deliver a blow, however, as Fred hurled his body against the larger, stronger man. Knocked against the wall and shocked for a moment, Tony regained composure. Fred looked down to see the sharp edge of Tony’s weapon puncture him directly below his left clavicle. He backed away with long tottering movements, a hole two inches deep in his chest.

By now, Kevin had reached his feat and lifted a heavy wood chair above his head. The chair came thundering down over the head and shoulders of Tony.

“Beat his ass!” yelled Fred from the ground. He stood, but before he could join the melee, a friend of Tony’s performed a fine Randy Johnson impersonation and pitched the 6-ball, which connected with Fred’s nose. Cartilage crunched, blood erupted, Fred’s eyes watered, and he stumbled backwards, dropping to his knees.

Kevin, having beaten Tony unconscious, turned his large frame to Tony’s accomplice. Carla and the rest of the bar watched from the entrance to the poolroom. Tony’s friend attempted to trade haymakers with Kevin, but he lasted through only a few of Kevin’s substantial slugs.

As Kevin stood alone in the dark room amidst broken furniture and fallen men, Carla tended to Fred. The patrons stared at Kevin—a modern day Achilles: Heracles to the bar’s drunk, hero-starved regulars.

Full-Grown Woman

 

I’ve a unique girlfriend. She is 10’3” tall. Giant! I’m a big guy, 6’4”, but she dwarfs me.

She is gorgeous, however, and I don’t think I could ever let her go. Only one exists like her in the world. We’ve been on news programs and late night talk shows several times. We’ve become sort of a celebrity couple. Continue reading

AWOL

They’d all heard about it as kids. Nothing much went on in the little village. They were starved for excitement.

The Hessner farm sat about a quarter mile back from Township Highway 211, Tooms Rd. The road went nowhere; it stretched into, and ended in, a small wooded area less than a mile from its beginning. When Nate was young there was Old Man Hessner, his wife, and their son. Hessner’s wife came from McConnelsville, and, though much was never said or seen of her, she was a round, pudgy thing: quite homely. They kept their son, Courtney, out of school (the rumors why: that he had a chromosome abnormality, that his nature was too violent, that his face was too dreadful, etc.). Nobody made much fuss about the boy not attending school. In the 1970’s, people could get away with stuff like that: especially in a small village.

The Hessner house was a common farm house. It faced the road unthreateningly. Behind it was a big red dilapidated pole barn, usually with an old Chevy van parked in front of it. Farm machinery, most of it defunct, stood gloomily, quietly. Behind the barn was a corn field about the size of two football fields, half as wide.

Grotesque Old Man Hessner, Wes, tall and corpulent, had a face a mother couldn’t even love, accented by an edentulous, open-mouthed expression, which he seemed to perpetually display. Hair covered every exposed part of his body except the top of his head where only a large wart sprouted. Purple veins ran like tiny tree roots along his bulky nose. The sclera of his eyes was yellow, and one could not tell where his dark irises ended and his pupils began.

He’d visit Main St. sometimes to buy and sell at the market. People in the village avoided him if they could. If his outward appearance contributed to the fantastic nature of the rumors about him, his personality didn’t help either.

Nate, six years old at the time, walked in Duke’s Restaurant with his mother for lunch one winter’s day. Duke’s was a typical small town restaurant. A counter sat four; two booths and two round tables accounted for the rest of the seating. Francine Moore and her daughter, Katherine, sat and ate in a booth. The special was chicken and noodles. The smell was inviting: boiled vegetables, cloves, sage, garlic, and—of course—the chicken and noodles with cream soup.

Old Man Hessner walked in a while later, huffing and puffing, gruff as ever. He grunted, removed his heavy coat, and took a seat at the table by the window. Nate and his mother sat close to the kitchen. Nate ate vigorously. Wes faced him. Clara, the waitress, walked out from the kitchen and over to Hessner. She poured coffee for him. He grunted and pushed the cup away, spilling some on the old walnut table. “No,” he rasped.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hessner,” said Clara. “What would you like to drink?”

“I don’t want nothing to drink,” he said. “Give me some mush and eggs.”

Little Katherine Moore, a year Nate’s junior, stared at the bald and grubby man, barely eating. “Don’t stare,” Francine whispered to her daughter.

Hessner looked at them. He grunted again and said, “What’s a matter? Hasn’t the little girl ever seen a real man ‘afore? Guess the only man she sees much of is her daddy, huh?” Hessner smiled toothlessly. Robert Moore, Francine’s husband, was rumored to have lost his manhood after fathering Katherine.

Francine and her daughter quickly left the restaurant. Nate’s mom hurried him out into the nipping wind, too. He had not even eaten all his noodles.

The farm had belonged to the Hessner family for several generations. It had been a dairy farm where chickens were raised. Since Wes’s father died and he had taken over, he relied exclusively on corn for the family’s livelihood. Here was another reason for some of the ideas that developed about Hessner. Wes sold nearly all of his corn. He kept less than a bushel a year. This was because, some said, the Hessners were cannibals.

It was preposterous of course. Who would they eat? The population of the village was 302. If anyone came up missing somebody would notice; everybody would notice.

Nate’s older brother, Billy, explained to him: “He goes out of town to a big city to get them. He’ll drive to Columbus or wherever. He goes around trying to spot someone walking alone. He follows them, hits them with a tire iron or something and knocks them out. Then he drives his old van to where they are and throws them inside. He brings them back and the Hessners kill them and eat them. That’s why they don’t have chickens no more.”

Nate went to his father; he was frightened.

“Nonsense,” Nate and Billy’s father said. “You think it makes any dang sense that they sell all their corn because they eat people? Even if they did eat people, don’t you think they’d like a side dish, maybe?”

Arthur,” Nate’s mother chided.

He laughed and continued: “They keep what they want of the corn and sell the rest. They probly need the money. Who doesn’t these days? Hell, maybe they don’t like corn to eat. Old Hess buys taters at the market—and tomaters and cucumbers… I admit: Hessner is not a pleasant old feller, but a murderer… a cannibal? Nonsense.”

Nate’s mother said to his father later on that night: “He doesn’t buy any meat at the market, Arthur. He is such a nasty man. I mean…”

“Oh, dear, do you really believe…”

“Arthur, why don’t we ever see Mrs. Hessner anymore? And we’ve never seen their son. It is strange.”

“Yes, it’s strange, but… Look, I’ve told the boys to steer clear of that house and Wes Hessner. I don’t think we need worry,” Arthur ended the discussion.

Later, when Nate was in third grade, his brother Billy told him: “So what he does with these people that he finds in Zanesville or Columbus or wherever is: he takes them to the farm, they kill ‘em, cut up the bodies, and they have cookouts. Cannibal Cookouts!

“In the summer, when the corn is high, he hunts them before killing them. They are knocked out when he brings them to the farm. He drags them out about thirty or forty yards in the cornfield. He walks back out and stands behind his barn, facing the corn with a pitchfork. He waits, and as soon as he sees the corn moving around, he knows it’s time to hunt. He watches for the stalks to move. Usually the person starts bawlin’ anyhow and Old Hess can just listen for ‘em. He walks real slow, making hardly no noise, and he makes his way through the field, ‘till he sticks ‘em with his pitch fork. No one’s ever got away.”

“Shut up!” Nate snapped. Billy grinned and continued.

“I’m serious,” he said. “That’s when the Hessners have their big parties, their big cookouts, when the corn is high and they can have their fun. Jimmy Carpenter told me he was riding his bike on a trail off Spencer Rd. last summer. He ended up real close to Hessner’s cornfield. It was late in the day, dusk. Jimmy said he heard screams. After the screaming he heard laughing, hooting and hollering. He said it was a sick kind of laughing and yelling, like you’d hear at a loony bin or something. He never got a good look at anything because he took off—he was scared. I heard there were more of them, too, not just the old man and woman and their son. Word is they got family over in Claysville. I heard when they have their big hunts and cookouts there is about seven of ‘em there. They like the brains the most, people say. They eat everything, but brains are their favorite. They skewer them and make kabobs—Brain Kabobs!”

But no one believed mass murder and cannibalism existed in the little village. The Sheriff never even went out to Hessner’s. Hardly anyone ever drove on Tooms Rd.

A couple years later, in 1982, Wes Hessner died. Nate was eleven and had a one year old brother named Gary by then. The talk about the Hessners all but stopped.

But only for a while.

When Nate was fifteen, talk about the Hessner house returned. This time, he heard it from little Gary first.

Nate was walking him home from school; Gary was singing something under his breath. Nate could only catch some of it.

… cornfield… don’t you go… of the scarecrow… your worst of days… don’t you know… they’ll eat your brains…

“What is that?” Nate asked. “What are you singing?”

“The song about the scarecrow,” little Gary said.

“What scarecrow? What are you talking about?”

“The scarecrow in the cornfield,” he said. “The one that kills people—the one that eats the people’s brains.”

Now it was all over the school, teenagers trying to scare younger kids mostly. The new story was: Courtney Hessner, now a young man, had continued his father’s traditions. He had also taken things to a new level of gruesomeness. No one ever saw him in town. Nobody even knew what he looked like. A relative—supposedly from Claysville, a skinny little lady who reminded one of a lizard—visited the market for the Hessners. She bought cucumbers, tomatoes, and such; she sold the corn. The farm had grown. Apparently some others from Claysville had migrated. The summer cookouts became larger and crazier, now with six or so in attendance, Courtney presiding. Like his father, Courtney drove to Columbus and other cities to find his victims. Courtney was more elaborate than Wes in the later proceedings, however. He had a mask that looked like the face of the scarecrow in the movie: The Wizard of Oz. Wearing his mask, he would drag his victims to the middle of the cornfield. He’d walk out of the corn, and wait for the cornstalks to move in any unnatural way—wait for the confused cries of his prey. Then he would hunt. He didn’t use a pitchfork. He used a scythe, the weapon of choice for the Grim Reaper. Courtney didn’t slink silently into the cornfield like a phantom, as his father had done. The second the corn moved or a cry was heard, he’d begin singing the Scarecrow’s song from the Wizard of Oz.

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain

Courtney would then dance into the field, singing loudly and maniacally. He would toy around, eventually decapitating the victim with the scythe’s long sharp beard. Then he’d gallop back to the barn with the removed head, his deranged family cheering. Awaiting him would be a grill made of bricks, flames dancing within, and skewers lined up on a large plate—tomatoes and cucumbers already impaled by the sharp skinny pieces of wood. The Hessner clan would split the head open using a cleaver. Then they’d remove and skewer the brains, browning them a bit on the grill. After the delicacy was consumed, Courtney would carry the headless body from the cornfield, and they would cut, cook, and eat the rest, stuffing any leftovers in a big freezer.

All of this was nonsense, and, besides young children, it was only in fun that anyone listened to any of it. Still, Nate and Billy decided to drive by the Hessner’s place one summer evening. Nate was sixteen, his brother eighteen. They took their dad’s ’79 Mercury. They must’ve driven—crept really, with the lights off—by the Hessner farmhouse twenty times. They heard nothing, saw nothing. There were no signs of life, or death, that summer night.

“Larry Piper said he saw my car drivin’ real slow round Tooms the other night,” Nate’s dad, Arthur, said to the boys at dinner a few nights after their excursion. His mom looked askance at them and passed the potatoes. They were having meatloaf with green bean casserole and fresh baked biscuits. “You boys ought not be fiddlin’ round the Hessner place. You’re both too old to be listening to silly stories. Just leave the Hessners alone. If there was something a-goin on up there, don’t you think you oughta stay away anyhow? Specially with my car. Billy, you won’t be using the Mercury for the rest of the summer.”

Dad,” Billy whined.

“Nope,” his father said. “Now keep cryin’ bout it and I won’t let you use it at all no more.”

Billy left for the Army the next summer. Nate was to begin his senior year in high school that fall and would then join the Army, too.

Nate thought little of the Hessners that year. He had a girlfriend; little Katherine Moore had grown up to be quite the town-beauty. His mind was occupied by warm memories and promising fantasies of the last time and the next time Kathy would let him take her clothes off at her house. Robert Moore had left for California by then. He kept in contact with Kathy but could no longer keep up the façade of being heterosexual.

Nate corresponded with his brother. Billy had gone through jump school and was now stationed in the Canal Zone in Panama. Manuel Noriega was causing problems, and Billy was probably going to see some action. A U.S. invasion of Panama was becoming inevitable.

Nate graduated from highschool on June 7th and was scheduled to enter the United States Army on July 20th, 1989. He hoped to be sent to Panama to aid in the expected invasion. He would go airborne as his brother had.

On Wednesday, July 19th Nate’s parents drove him to a Holiday Inn, minutes from Port Columbus International Airport. The following morning, he was to board a flight for St. Louis, Missouri, where he would then take a puddle-jumper to Fort Leonard Wood Army Base and commence basic training. The family said their goodbyes with Mom sobbing, Dad smiling, and Gary glancing around the streets of Columbus. Nate stayed firm; he was going to be a soldier.

Nate walked from the hotel to a pizzeria across the street, had a slice and some cola. Anxious, he went to a nearby park. He walked along a bike trail and thought about his future: the near and the distant. He thought about Panama—what would it look like? Could he make it through jump school in Georgia and get into Billy’s Battalion? He thought about Kathy, pretty Katherine Moore: would she really wait for me? He thought of his past—growing up in the little village. He thought of his mother, his father, and little Gary. He thought about Katherine’s gay father. He thought of the Hessners. And—strange as it seems, and though he was 81 miles from Courtney and the Hessners’ place—he felt their presence.

And it was more than a frivolous foreboding.

Hearing a rustling in the foliage to his right, he turned to look; then an immediate, sharp, and searing pain in the head seemed to shoot straight into the middle of his brain. Then nothing…

He knew where he was as soon as he came to. He was disoriented, of course, but he could smell the earth. He laid there, his body trembling and contorted between stiff things shooting from the ground. I know where I am.

Nate’s upper body hurt badly, like a thousand needle-nosed pliers were pinched shut on each muscle, nerve, and tendon of his neck and shoulders. He thought for a moment that there must be a blade stuck in his skull. He did not cry out. He knew better.

It was early evening, so he knew it was already the 20th. He had missed his flight for Missouri. I am AWOL, he thought. He opened his eyes. The things coming from the ground were indeed stalks of corn. The corn was high that year, over ten feet from ground to tassel tip. He could see the sky between the stalks; it was dark pink with purple clouds.

He pressed his body slightly off the ground. The pain in his head became unbearable. He collapsed; leaves and silk tickled his ears and face. Can’t disrupt the corn. He heard nothing.

He attempted to gain his bearings while motionless. He located the setting sun. To roughly the opposite direction of it—to the northeast—that was the direction he wanted to go: away from the barn, away from the brick grill, away from the skewered tomatoes and cucumbers, away from the singing scarecrow, away from the cannibal cookout. He wanted to somehow move toward Spencer Rd.

Every movie Nate ever saw with chases through cornfields, Children of the Corn especially, flashed through him. He thought of countless helpless people crawling and running through rows of corn while a deranged killer stalked, yearning for blood (in this case brains and blood). He, curiously, thought of how Ray Bolger had looked as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. He thought of Courtney with his big scythe, waiting patiently for him to move the corn or make a noise.

He began to crawl, trying like hell not to make the corn move. He contorted his body and managed to move a few feet. The throbbing wound on his head made the already onerous task nearly impossible, but adrenaline pushed him forward. As he reached his right arm between two stalks and tried to plant his hand in the dirt, his elbow gave way. Crashing to the ground, the corn falling in opposite directions, he heard it…

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain

And he just kept singing those same six lines. Courtney’s voice was a rotund baritone. Other noises, shouting and yelling, came from the house. Nate heard Courtney enter the cornfield.

Nate pushed himself up on his feet. The pain that had been so severe was nearly gone. He started to sprint in the general direction of Spencer Rd, tripping several times on the stalks.

Courtney had entered the corn at full speed, circling toward the rear of the field. The singing no longer came from behind Nate. It came from his right side for a moment, and then he heard it ahead of him. Before he thought to turn around, he had reached the end of the corn. Spencer Rd. stretched across the landscape, only about 1000 feet from where he stood. He would have gone straight for it, but standing about ten feet in front of him, in the green grass that seemed black in the faint night light, was Courtney Hessner. The mask looked just like the scarecrow’s in The Wizard of Oz.

Courtney was still singing. He held the scythe like a tap dancer would hold a cane. He twirled and kicked the air. He jumped and clicked his heels. Nate tried to move, but he just kept watching Courtney dance. The masked murderer broke into a wild gallop, leaning back and kicking his legs high over his head. Nate turned and ran the opposite direction. He fought his way through the cornfield. He became hopeful: keep the singing behind me. Then other noises were audible: the chattering and laughing of the Hessner clan. Courtney wasn’t catching up with Nate, but they were headed in the wrong direction—right to where a bunch of crazed cannibals were waiting for their cookout: for their brain kabobs.

Nate burst out of the corn and into the yard. The familiar old red barn came into view. He kept running. He veered left as his eyes darted down to the brick grill. Then he saw them. If Old Man Hessner had been ugly, these things were repulsive. He recognized the lizard lady. A man in overalls chopped at human body parts on a short tree stump with a shiny cleaver. Another hideous man grinned and grunted as he engaged in what looked like sodomy with an equally hideous female. She squealed like it was painful but glared at Nate with a Hessneresque grin. She had the same purple veins running along her nose. Her breasts were exposed; they hung from her body like burlap sacks full of sand as she bent over to let her apparent relative enter her in that unnatural way. Two small Hessners played with the body parts of what Nate took for a cat. The smaller of the two imps was whacking the other on the head with a disembodied paw. The larger one was bending down, tying the dead cat’s tail around his cohort’s right leg. A couple repugnant teenagers sat on chairs. They stared at Nate and, to his surprise, ate corn on the cob.

Nate sprinted away from the morbid scene. Tooms Rd. curved in front of the house. His recent runs to prepare for the Army had paid off.

He looked back and saw Courtney, wearing his scarecrow mask and carrying his scythe, still singing. The maniac stopped running—stopped singing. He gave a dejected sigh, dropped the scythe, and threw up his arms. He spun around and kept on spinning toward his family, flailing his arms and legs hysterically.

Nate kept running. He didn’t slow down until he saw Spencer Rd. After cutting through a grass field and eventually reaching the pavement, things became foggy. He flagged down a ride after walking a bit. The car took off and he lost consciousness.

Nate never entered the military. He skipped town. His mother and father were disappointed. Mom soon forgave him, but Dad never did. In December of ’89, Billy was one of only 23 men killed in Operation Just Cause, The United States’ invasion of Panama. He served valiantly in the 3rd Battalion, 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment, but it had resulted in his death.

Nate told no one of the experience at the Hessner’s. He followed in the footsteps of his high school sweetheart’s father—not in sexual orientation but in moving to California. Nate and Kathy keep in contact on a social networking website to this day. She still wonders why he moved away and didn’t go in the Army. His little brother, Gary, became an architect in Chicago. Nate visits him sometimes but refuses to visit Ohio. He also does not eat corn.

Delinquents

So I began writing a story.

In it, I invented characters. I made them think things. I made them say things to one another. I made them do things and interact with one another.

I created them. I controlled them. Sometimes I killed them. Sometimes I made them happy. Sometimes I let them be content, even when occupied by the mundane, like staring at the wood grain and glossy veneer on a brown table. I often embarrassed my characters. It didn’t matter. They did whatever I wanted them to do.

But then, somehow, they seemed to suddenly develop their own free wills. They started doing whatever they wanted. I tried to control them, pull in the reins, but it didn’t work. They began doing all kinds of silly things.

So what happened was that the stories all became easy to tell. I didn’t have to create situations. I didn’t need to give my characters ideas, preferences, phobias, virtues or vices. They did everything on their own. They did things, and all I had to do was describe what they did: how they acted: what they thought. I was able to write hundreds of stories this way: even a few novels. Lucky for me, my characters did amusing and tragic things. They made humorous comedies and evocative tragedies out of their lives. I couldn’t have done it without them.

I sold millions of books; I got bored. I stopped watching and describing my fugitives’ lives. I took up golf and traveled.

After about a couple weeks I checked on my characters. Something interesting was happening to one of them: Moxxie.

Moxie had been conceived by two of my creations. I had created Christina, his mother, and Mark, his father, back when I had had the power to create and control. I never intended for Christina to have a child. But like all the others, she started choosing her own fate.

Moxxie grew to be a big guy. He had a thin moustache with a defined lip line. His pink cheeks ballooned around his red lips, giving him a jovial expression. He was almost overly stout, but because of his muscular build, he managed his girth smoothly, so that his gait was almost graceful. His middle fingers were unusually long compared to his hand and other fingers.

What interested me was that Moxxie was visited by a scientist from the planet Blick. Blick was a planet of the star called, The Dotter, in another solar system: in another spiral galaxy about four mega light-years away from the Milky Way.

The scientist took Moxxie to Blick. The Blickeans had picked Moxxie and several other humans randomly. They observed them. The Blickeans were twelve to fourteen feet tall and three to four feet wide. They were like big rectangular blocks standing vertically. They seemed to be wearing long black hooded robes, but the robes could have been part of their bodies. Moxxie couldn’t see their skin or whatever they had like skin. He never saw their faces or eyes whatever they had like faces or eyes.

They spoke to him in English. They said that they knew all the languages of Earth. They were peaceful; they simply observed Moxxie, like a child observes a hamster, giving him props and coaxing him to perform tricks. Moxxie appeased them, shifting from stifling fear to mild apprehension.

Moxxie was surprised to see large bird-like creatures standing amongst the tall rectangular things. Here is how they looked:

They were slightly larger than Herons. They had blue feathers, or what looked like silky furry feathers, on round bodies. Their beaks were like giant pink tweezers covered with small purple spines. Their necks were long and skinny, not bending in the ‘S’ shape of many earthling birds’ necks, but having a ‘W’ shape, with the lower sections nearly touching the ground. The average wingspan was about seven feet. Each had three eyes: two on the head, one on the middle of the breast. Their legs and feet were pink and included the little purple spines.

The birds periodically laid eggs. Each seemed to lay an egg every hour or so. The eggs that the birds laid looked exactly like diamonds.

Moxxie asked the Blickeans about the eggs.

“They are exactly like what you call diamonds on Earth. They are simply hunks of feces here. They are not eggs. When these animals give birth, they do it from an orifice that also functions as an Earthling ear, and they give live-birth,” said one of them—the tallest one. The voice of the Blickean was monotone and deep.

“Oh,” said Moxxie. He blinked and looked around. “Well, diamonds are worth a lot of money on Earth.”

“We know,” the rectangles replied in unison.

“One of those birds would be priceless on Earth,” said Moxxie.

“Yes,” they replied.

Then a shorter rectangular one said, “Because you have cooperated with us, Moxxie, we will allow you to take one of our birds with you to Earth.”

So Moxxie took an alien bird back to Earth.

He became rich. A single excretion from the bird yielded around a five to ten carat diamond, perfectly polished, perfectly symmetrical. Every hour or so Moxxie had a new hunk of feces, worth at least two hundred thousand dollars wholesale.

He bought his mother, Christina, a large house in Tampa, Florida. He bought himself splendid homes around the country, including a mansion in Dallas, Texas. He bought a lavish apartment in Manhattan.

Christina had been poor before. I created her that way. I made her live in a little town in Ohio. I had her work as a cook at a little dingy restaurant which sold three pancakes for three dollars. I made her a gruff hard drinker with a manly figure and a big hairy mole on her right cheek.

After the bird came back with Moxxie, Christina never worked again. She had the mole removed. She started drinking expensive alcohol.

After describing all this about the diamond defecating bird in a story, I was sure I had another shoo-in for my upcoming collection. Then I realized that I had simply written a modified version of “Jack and the Beanstalk.”

But then, the bird seemed to become sick. Its diamond discharges became more sporadic. The diamonds were not symmetrical or polished anymore; they were lopsided and jagged; sometimes they came in shards. The bird started squawking. It even tried to bite Moxxie.

Moxxie thought he’d simply dispose of the bird. He had enough money. He had many diamonds saved and could sell them if he needed more money.

The biting and squawking became worse; Moxxie could no longer keep the bird in his house. He locked the bird in a large cage in the garage of his home in Dallas.

Moxxie went on a trip to Florida to see his mother, Christina. When he came home the bird was gone.

What must have happened was that the Blickeans came to Earth and set the bird free. I didn’t see how they did it. There was no damage to the roof or door or anything. The garage was still locked; everything was intact, even the cage.

There were reported sightings of the bird around the Dallas/Fort Worth area. It was all over the news that a large blue bird was flying around, unusually fast for its size, squawking loudly. There was an amateur video clip.

Then dozens of people came up missing around Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. I wondered if it was the bird. Maybe it was killing people: eating them possibly. I waited around to find out, but no other sightings of the bird made the news. Moxxie and his mother simply kept on living comfortably, richly.

I got bored with the possibly homicidal bird that defecated diamonds. I stopped watching the lives of Moxxie and Christina.

I thought I’d quit writing. Nothing any of my characters did interested me anymore. It was as if I had gone through a mutation.

When I had first lost control of my creations, events in my life took on less meaning. I was primarily interested in the lives of my characters. Now the opposite happened; I became concerned with my life again. I stopped worrying about my characters.

My daily life took on more meaning. I began reading newspapers and fiction for fun. I started playing golf again. I saw old friends. This all pleased and satisfied me.

My self interest lasted about three months. Then I was drawn back. I went back to my characters.

This time I noticed something going on with a character named Duane Maple. He was a writer who I had created. Writers do that a lot; they create writers; they write about writing.

When I created Duane, I did it to write about the trials of writing. I did it to write about the stories and books I would have Duane write. I did it to write down my ideas without having to formulate them into complete stories or novels.

Duane, like all the rest, had become a free thinking individual by now. He started writing whatever he wanted. He started being less of the recluse that I had made him, too. I had made him single back when I was in control. I made his girlfriend leave him for one of his best friends. But I had made him good looking and suave. He began to use these things to his advantage after gaining his own conscience. He started carousing at night. He stopped being as lonely as I had left him.

Back when I was the one deciding the stories for Duane, I made him write mystery novels and crime fiction. Now he was writing a story, set in an imagined, ancient time, about a man cursed by a warlock. The curse was that any person the man touched would die.

In the story, Duane wrote that as soon as the warlock uttered the curse, the man broke free from the warlock’s henchmen. He ran to the curse-giver to touch him. He touched the warlock’s withered hands and face.

“Seize him,” the warlock said with a smirk.

The warlock’s hideous cronies grabbed and held the man.

“You lie, warlock,” the man said snarling. “Your curse did not work.”

“Take him away,” the warlock said, laughing viciously.

Duane then wrote that the doomed man was taken on horseback for many miles to the edge of a small village. He was beaten and left there to die. He roamed the village for several days. He was given alms by some citizens and taken in, finally, by a blacksmith. He eventually learned the craft and became a member of the community.

The doomed one, who was named William, was a tall, slender, handsome man. He was nearing thirty. About a year after becoming the blacksmith’s apprentice he began courting a young woman in the village. She was the daughter of a granary worker. She had a pretty face and a nice figure. Her name was Rebecca.

They took walks around their village. They went fishing in the nearby river. The two formed a bond and planned to marry.

“We will have children one day, William. We will teach them to read and write. We will teach them to be brave and honest,” Rebecca told William on one of their walks.

They consummated their relationship only a few nights before they were to marry. Lying on the ground beside Rebecca, behind the granary where her father worked, William looked up at the stars. He thought of the horrible experience he had had before establishing himself in the village. He was happy with his new situation and felt fortunate.

“I can’t believe we will be together like this every night, Rebecca,” William said softly, turning on his side to face his lover.

A terror took hold of him. Rebecca was lying on her back. Her eyes were open and blank. Her breast was still. She did not respond. She was dead.

Duane explained her death like this: Her divine undying spirit rose from its human cask to continue its course through time and space, never again to concern itself with that fragile vessel.

After his initial shock, William fled from the village. He was taken by a ferryman across the river. He traveled by foot for miles after crossing the wide divide.

He came upon a small man sitting under a tree. The man was not old but appeared to be strangely wizened. The two began talking. William told him the story of his beloved Rebecca. He told him of the love he felt for her, and that when he had felt it the strongest, he had turned to see her lying there, dead. The little man was moved—touched.

“I was separated from someone I loved also. My father was an awful tyrant. My mother left us when I was very young. I left soon after,” said the wizened little man.

William turned away from the small man. He looked up at the undulating leaf-covered branches of the trees surrounding him. He felt calmed by the man’s compassion and true empathy.

“Well, you see, I can never go back to that village. I…” William said, turning back to the man and breaking off his sentence.

The little gnarled young man sat there, his mouth agape. He was not breathing. He was dead. Duane wrote: The force which had animated that emaciated shell left its chamber to transform into an unknowable new configuration.

Finally William realized what his curse truly meant. He would not kill anyone he touched physically; he would kill anyone he touched emotionally. He knew he was doomed to be alone forever. He committed suicide with a dagger which the dead wizened one had had in a sheath on his belt.

Duane wrote this about the suicide: William plunged the blade through his own heart, spilling the ghostly water from his decaying canteen of skin, bones, blood and sinew. That living water would run free until it found another form to vivify.

I was sickened with envy by Duane Maple’s poetic prose. The creation had surpassed its creator. It was as if Lucifer had dethroned the Almighty Himself.

Duane went on with the story, eventually telling that the little wizened man was the warlock’s son. By cursing William, the warlock also doomed his only descendent.

Duane summed everything up beautifully, wringing every ounce of irony out of the warlock’s curse. I sobbed as I read the last few pages. My former marionette had written a master story. I wanted to steal it from him to use it in my world. I could never write something so inventive and execute it in such a way.

I felt awful. I realized that I had never really had the power to create anything great. I had never made up anything worth reading. The only reason for my success was my strange situation: my runaway characters.

After that, I decided, finally and firmly, that I would quit writing. I have plenty of money anyway. And so, these may be my final printed words: come back to me, delinquent characters. Come back and do as I say!

Peculiar Animals

The entire planet was covered with water, and there were creatures and things inside the great body. Then land appeared as some water receded. The water released some of its creatures; they mutated into things better suited to live on land. Other things stayed in the water while the planet and the other great orbs in and out of sight continued their elliptical routes through the cosmos. Continue reading

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