I’ve always wanted a relationship. I never did have a thrill for just fooling around. Wasn’t really my style, not at first. But since I’m so confused on what the hell I am, I don’t really see how I could handle a relationship. I mean how would that work? I date a guy and say “hey I want to be with you, but I like girls and have sex with them from time to time?” or “I’m in love with this girl but she won’t leave her guy for me, so maybe you can help me give rid of my feelings for her?” Now, does that really make any sense to you? Nah, I didn’t think so. As for the other side it would be even more complicated. For a guy, woman/woman action is most desirable, quite the turn on. But to be in a relationship with a woman and still like men, that is something most difficult. You have to deal with trust and jealousy issues. They’ll always wonder if you’ll leave for something better or not fully commit, and I’m not really one for threesomes. So now I have three options. One, pick a gender and stick to it, which is going to take some time so I need to do something else in the meantime. Two, mess around with whoever I want and just get the physical pleasure and forget about ever being “happily in love”. Three, become a nun, which is so not possible. So, which one to you think I’m going to choose out of these? If you chose option two, you would be right. Like I said, I can’t pick just one gender right now, as much as I really want to. It’s like I love having to be held by a guy and comforted, but they cause too much pain to my heart to whereas now, I don’t have much of one. Women take me to a completely different place. I feel like a man when I’m with a woman. Seriously, I completely forget I have a vagina. It’s like my mind completely changes. I think, act, talk like a guy. Physically, I love to please them. I like the fact that I have the chance to be a better “man” than a “man” can, or at least feel that way temporarily. But anyway, I’ve made my decision. I just have to go with the flow and see where this goes, and right now it’s about to go to Sheree’s house.
I told you about Lauren Brown, the one I was with this morning. The difference between Lauren and Sheree is that I love Lauren, but she’s committed to the rich jerk-off who treats her like he’s her pimp. Sheree, she’s cool. We were friends for a while, then this whole “sex buddy” thing started going and I couldn’t help but give her what she asked for. Apparently she has more feelings for me than just a sex toy, but I really don’t care for her in that way. There are just things about her that I really don’t care for. Plus, I still have Lauren on my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I never confuse the two. I know the difference, and I never get caught saying the wrong name at the wrong time. It’s just that Sheree doesn’t feel like a girlfriend to me, and I’m not ready to commit. The funny thing is though, that Lauren wants me committed to her only, when she’s married. So she thinks she’s the only one I’m licking, which isn’t the case. I can’t do that. Most of my heart is covered in ice, except for the little edge that she’s melting. But I’m not letting it melt fully for her to cause it to freeze back up. So enough about her. Sheree’s at the door waiting for me.
This is what I mean. If I had a woman to myself, I wouldn’t want her answering the door in a tank and her panties. Call me old fashioned but, if I’m with you nobody should she that much of you but me. Even if I’m not with her, what does that say about you? Be it as it may, I shouldn’t even be talking.
“Hey” I like how she hugs me, it’s cozy, even though she smells like cigarettes.
“Hey big daddy. Get you ass in here and get upstairs.” Such a sweet talker, she is. She was always one to get to the point. Well since I know the routine, I’m going upstairs into the bedroom. I get a weird feeling when I walked past her son’s room to go to hers. I know he’s at school, but sometimes I get scared that maybe he’s home sick or something. I don’t like coming here when the kid’s here. It makes me nervous. If you’ve ever seen the movie “Baby Boy”, you may know how I feel right now. In that movie, he was the guy living in his mother’s house who had a woman he loves with his kid, and another baby momma living with her mother. He went between the two of them, f***ing one when he couldn’t do the other. The only different between me and him was that I don’t have kids, I don’t live with my mother, and I don’t have a dick, at least not one that’s attached.
when I say Sheree gets straight to the point, she really does. She just came into the room and is taking off the little bit of clothes that she had on. Unlike Lauren, Sheree had small breasts, but an ass out of this world. She was dark caramel-skinned. Lauren was much lighter. Their hair is similar, only Sheree’s hair is like an auburn color, and not as long as Lauren’s. Sheree was bushy, and Lauren was shaved. I didn’t really have a preference as long as it was clean.
Now it’s my turn. I don’t bother to undress myself, because I like it when she does it, and so does she. She’s starting with my shirt as usual. I’m just looking at her like I always do, and she’s reaching for my pants. As she’s taking them off, I’m taking her neck and biting it. She says the same thing each time, which is kind of amusing.
“Oh sh*t, that’s it, right there.” Now she’s going down to get the “dick” wet. She sucks it as if it pleases me. I just like hearing her scream. So I’m changing positions. I think it’s time to put this in a different whole. The usual drill, always starting from the back. I just ram it in there. That’s how she likes it. It’s amazing that we do this so much it’s become a routine thing like brushing your teeth.
“Oh yes! God, do it do me! Give it to me good, oh yes. Sh*t!” Yeah, that’s the thing the excites me. I’m just back here pounding as hard as I can, and it makes her lose her mind. I see how guys like it so much. She’s pulling on the sheets, screaming in pillows even though I always ask her not to. The harder I smack her butt, the louder she yells and the harder her grip. I tell you one thing, I wanted both Lauren and Sheree because they gave me a different taste. Being with Lauren was more soft and sensual. Being with Sheree was more rough and hot. Lauren and I massage each other’s bodies. Sheree and I scratch each other up. Lauren kisses. Sheree bites. Lauren moans, Sheree screams. Lauren is happy with just my tongue and hands. Sheree loves the tongue, but loves the strap-on even more. I guess you could say I do to when it comes to her. I like the pounding. The harder I pound, the harder she screams, which also causes a harder pound. Changing positions. I love it when she’s on her back because I can see her face. Plus, instead of scratching and ripping the bedding, she’s scratching and ripping at me. IT gets my adrenaline going, like revving and engine because you put the car in drive. I like pain in this sense. The scratching hurts, and I like it. She likes my bites. I bite and suck her nipples. She bites and sucks my lips. God, she’s screaming so loud. I can tell she’s about to buss. Hell, so…am….I….!
“aaaAAHHHHH!” …………………………………
The only thing about her climax that I don’t like is that her nails get so deep into the skin of my shoulders that it’s hard for me to put my shirt back on.
“Damn boy, sh*t! You do that to me every time!” Yeah, she calls me boy. I tell her to do that only because it would make me feel uncomfortable calling me a girl with a strap-on attached to me. Like I said, I felt like a guy. I guess it’s an ego thing, or I’m just a really confused and f***ed up individual. I’m laying down beside her now, both of us just breathing heavily.
“I guess you just never want me to put a shirt on.” I really think she just hates me putting on a shirt. If she did she would not bring so much pain to my shoulders.
“You always say that. I don’t do it on purpose.”
“How am I going to explain this?”
“Well if you were mine and all mine, you wouldn’t have to explain it to nobody.” Here she goes. I hate this part.
“I don’t want to talk about this, Sheree.”
“I don’t care. We’re going to talk about it. Why you keep dissing me? You know you want to be with me, just like I want to be with you. You just have to mess with this chick who don’t even want you.”
“You don’t a clue what’s going on with me, so don’t even go there. You think you are Miss Perfect and got everything all figured out?” She’s getting on my nerves. I keep asking her not to bring up Lauren. I knew I shouldn’t have told her about Lauren in the first place.
“At least I know what I want.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t whatever me. You know I can give you everything you want and need. You don’t have to run to that trick.”
“Watch your mouth, okay? Damn! Just leave it alone.”
“Do you love her?” Ugh, I hate this question. Why did it have to be this question. I can’t lie, but I can’t say the truth.
“I take your dead silence as a yes, L?”
“Take it as you want it.”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes, Sheree.”
“Well you don’t show it. Prove it.”
“How?”
“Be with me. Be my man, like you always wanted to be.” I guess it when I think about it, I do have some feelings for her, and I know that Lauren won’t give me a chance. I don’t want to keep hurting her feelings, and I hate being lonely, not having a person to call my own? So why not? Because I’m scared, to be honest with you. I only have a small piece of heart left. To have that turn cold is not something I want.
“Give me time, Sheree.’
“How much time do you need, L”
“How much time are you willing to give me, Sheree?”
“One week.”
“Are you serious?”
“I’m dead serious. I can’t wait my whole life on you. I waited long enough.”
“Give me two weeks.”
“Ten days.” Okay that just made me laugh. Her stubbornness turns me on. I have to kiss her.
“Fine Sheree, ten days. I’ll give you answer.”
“You better. Still coming this weekend?”
“Yeah, of course. So how about it? Lunch before I leave?”